My Seven Deadly Sins of Con Matches
Sometimes I’m a fun guy to play against. Other times I’m not. Here are seven generalized statements I’m going to try and avoid deploying after/during a game during the new year.
#1: Woe is me, my dice hate me.
I’ve often noticed that my dice are failing me. Yet I never remark on how well they are doing when they are hot. Whining about dice is essentially a monologue, the other play doesn’t really have a role beyond nodding sagely at the cruelty of chance. The flip side of this is complaining about the other guy’s dice. Making 3 tough checks in a row should provoke happy feelings, not a wince as I deploy the scowl and mumble about better lucky than good. Dice are going to be dice.
#2: I demand a rules change!
When Satyxis run 9 miles and engage everything and are def twelve thousand, or the Avatar aces 3 enemy heavies I often feel compelled to add my thoughts on PP’s game balancing skills. Its not my opponent’s fault that whoever wrote the Covenant’s entry hates my guts, and there’s no reason I couldn’t play the list he did. I’m not telling him anything he doesn’t know, and he didn’t do anything wrong.
#3: My strategy was perfect!
Everyone’s had the experience of making the right play and having it fail. I often respond by telling my opponent (as he beats me), that I played properly. Like he should be expected to commiserate or whatever. The flip side of this is announcing my mistakes to him as he takes advantage of them. “I can’t believe I threw this game away by forgetting that when you rampager my wold watcher he loses stone form!” This was memorably lampooned in Penny Arcade’s famous quote (“You didn’t win, I lost. A squirrel could have beaten me!”) The other player shouldn’t be polled on my performance. He’ll volunteer anything I need to know.
#4: [insert your strategy here] is lame!
If I’m not having fun due to you spamming arm 25 clamjacks, or running a pHaley gunline or what have you, that’s my problem. Your list choice, so long as you aren’t cheating, is nothing I should make a negative comment about. You bought the models, painted them and brought them here. You can play for time, scenario, whatever.
#5: Who cares about toy soldiers anyway?
This is a bit of an EVE-ism (an MMO where, socially speaking, no one can admit that the past time we spend hundreds of hours on matters to us), but its funny how whatever I’m bad at I probably wasn’t trying at. In fact, caring about things isn’t cool. I certainly am not so lame as to care who wins. This is a bit like calling someone up to let them know you are over them.
#6: Look at my nonoptimal list/tactics! Aren’t I cool? LOOK AT ME!!
Its great. If I take a totally bonkers list then if I win I’m double awesome for winning, and if I lose its whatever cuz what would you expect. Only problem is that this is pretty much a solo act. You aren’t, strictly speaking, necessary. You wanted a game and instead I plop a host of helldivers down, lose and demand you praise me for being such a cool guy that I tried it.
#7: Didn’t I see that list/tactic/whatever on the intenet!
I’m not sure when netlisting got such a stigma. I was accusing someone recently of this when I stopped and thought about it. I’m calling someone out for being willing to learn from others? Huh? And how do I know they did? Maybe they independently thought that eGaspy + Banes is a good idea. Maybe they are the original author of whatever I’m accusing them of copying
Well, avoiding those are my warmahordes new years resolutions. Lets hope I do better on them than I do on my ordinary resolutions.