Lots going on this past week. Templecon announcement, Minions finally taking their place as the OP-est of factions and me playing playing tons of Sorscha1. All of these are obviously a big deal, although I would argue the latter is the most significant. So much happened on the forums that I could hardly encapsulate it all but I’ve taken a sampling and hopefully it is to your liking. I would like to give a special shout out to everyone who was disappointed that Mercs didn’t get a colossal announcement at Templecon: we should rise up and overthrow the burdensome oppression of our Earthbreaker overlords. None should sleep until we get our second Pirate themed colossal! With that out of the way, let’s dive on in and get crazy!
Colossals are just the worst
A lot of people throw around a ‘worst release in the game.’ Bradigus, Gun Mages, Kossite Woodsmen. They’re all good choices. But the real one is obviously Colossals. Colossals are single handedly the worst thing to happen to the game. First of all they have altered the meta in a fundamental way, something we all know is bad. Just look at Cryx, the best balanced faction, they never get competitive new releases and that’s the way things should be. That’s not the worst thing, though. The greatest flaw is the damning blow it dealt to the Cool Kids Club of Warmachine. All us top players are super annoyed that some noob-friendly E-Z Mode piece got introduced into the game. All these nubs we could reliably drop our shitty character-less third list into and duck future D&C problems are suddenly packing some super powerful piece we have to deal with. This model has inconvenienced me by making players worse than me more successful. I earned my spot in the Cool Kids Club and I dislike others playing models whose playstyle I dislike especially if it helps them succeed at the game! All should suffer for victory like me!
The Revelator is the final blow to low ARM infantry.
Kayazy used to be so great. With Iron Flesh they were the scourge of the Warmachine world, incomparable in their frustration. Long gone are the days of their dominance but at least they were still a decent unit, until now. Menoth finally has a way to handle tons of low-ARM stealth infantry. They have a 18+ point colossal that can remove stealth and allow Ashes to Ashes to finally hit this last bastion of Khadoran competitiveness. Before now Menoth had to rely on the unbelievable unreliable-ness of the swarms of AoEs they could put out to kill these infantry models. Judicator putting out 6 AoEs a turn? Psh, pile of shit that one. There is their impressive collection of Sprays, too. Also, that character unit who already handed out stealth-ignoring divine sight. Okay so maybe they had a lot of tools and Kayazy were never actually any good against Menoth, but this is the last straw!
Cygnar took a big ol’ piss in Khador’s cornflakes.
Ugh, Victor is so shitty. The few rules we know about him combined with largely baseless speculation proves that he’ll just be a worse version of the Conquest. PP would never release a superior Conquest after all, so there’s no point in being optimistic ever. Just look at the Earthbreaker, inferior in every way to the Galleon. The fact that it’s not even an upgrade kit really shows that this is going to be a waste of time. This second wave of colossals is going to suck balls for Khador. Cygnar on the other hand is going to get the most amazingest thing in the world and Haley2 is going to be unstoppable. Not only is PP pissing of Khador players by imposing their own idea of what the faction is, and ignoring the ones we’ve decided on, they’re also buffing our mortal enemy! I hear the Hurricane is going to shoot lightning bolts from its nipples that do 5d6+10 damage and arc through enemy models. I also hear it’s going to give Haley2 a new, better, spell list and let her use Haley1’s Feat whenever she wants. Ugh, why can’t PP ever give Khador anything good and how come everything in Cygnar is so stupid and unfair.
Pre-Errata: Bradigus isn’t bad because of old releases!
All these young whippersnappers arguing about Bradigus and whether he’s broken or not are just so funny. People spend forever arguing about a ‘lock who obviously hasn’t won any events and so therefore is perfectly fine for the game 100% definitely. In doing this everyone is completely ignoring the history of the game. They’ve forgotten back in Mark I when a unit that was in the first edition of Prime was released and completely ruined the game. The well established and definitely comparable meta at the time was not prepared for the release of one of early Mk. I’s worst units. The warjack heavy meta that was definitely going to last independently was completely shut down by this unit frying everyone’s cortexes. That’s why warjacks fell out in Mk. I and definitely not due to being over costed MAT 5 piles of shit that died when you looked at them funny. Pretty sure Bane Knights had no impact on the game, it was all Gun Mages’ fault. Even later in the game we had Lylyth2 who completely bent the meta in a way no one was prepared for! Well…okay she didn’t actually do any of that because Mark I Lylyth2 wasn’t actually very good and Legion didn’t have Ravagores but her release is still roughly comparable to Bradigus’. What’s important is that the game survived both. Sure Mark I required a complete re-boot around 5ish years after it started, roughly comparable to the length of time Mk. II has been out, but that’s probably not relevant. All you elitist members of the Cult of Bradpocalypse had better start your logic engines because it’ll take all of your arrogant power to outlogic my arguments.
Smog Con needs PP announcement to get attendance.
If you’ll excuse me a moment, for I am but an ignorant American, but doesn’t it seem a bit suspicious that PP has delayed its Hordes announcement to Smog Con? I mean, isn’t that a convention for London Chimney Aficionados? I remember hearing something about them caving and including Holmes enthusiasts as well but since when was Warmachine such a big part of the event? We all know PP wants to expand into the impenetrable European market but this feels like an underhanded way to do it. Artificially boosting Warmachine attendance at an event in some small backwater city by showing a video there is just dodgy. These videos are properly the right of a convention in a major Rhode Island metropolis attended by millions of Warmachine players from all across the globe. Sure the Brits presumably have more top hats and Cumberbatches (I’m honestly not clear on what that latter thing is) but if they were so great they’d have won some past war nobody cares about anymore. I’m just gonna go out and say it, you know who would probably make a big announcement at a British convention? GW, that’s who. #JustSayin’
Hero Thread: Protectorate (many alternative models) by Cyel
Another week another cool alternative paint scheme. This is just some cool Menoth models. I’ll confess that some are reminiscent of the models from another game but I think it takes some of the best qualities of that games aesthetic and incorporates it well. You might disagree but it’s definitely worth checking out.
Show me you most heavily customized figures by DarthBane53
This thread, first started two years ago, was sent to me by Frank Richter on Twitter. It’s just a massive collection of people’s crazy custom models. The whole thread is currently 25 pages long and while I don’t love every single model in it there’s a lot of awesome stuff to see. Of particular bizarre note are the kiwi bonejacks on page 25, I’m not sure if I love them or if they’ll haunt my nightmares for years to come. Maybe both.
That’s all for this week, thanks for reading!